Thursday, March 1, 2018

1 Year Down

I found out this Tuesday that I am officially 1 year free from cancer.  Honestly it wasn't the information I was expecting to receive.  My past blood work from the previous month had suspiciously bumped up a little bit.  It was still in the normal range but significant enough to scare the willies out of me.  I spent a month tied up in knots mentally and physically.  (Seriously, if you need a massage therapist, contact me.  I can hook you up with the best!)  Monday I had blood work done.  Early the next day my phone rings and the caller ID was my oncologist.  My heart sank.  It was unusual for them to contact me so quickly with results.  But no!  The CA125 number was the lowest I'd ever had.  Hallelujah!!!!

It's still amazing to me the mental mess cancer causes.  It's like carrying a bomb with a faulty timer across a thick field drenched in molasses. Hmmm... photo shoot idea?  Future plans are overly scrutinized and re-evaluated, anything you commit to is worrisome, and your life becomes a series of ifs.  Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful that my bomb didn't go off this time.  And I AM going to celebrate this odd little anniversary. 


In two weeks I will be in a two person show with Debra Lott at the Living Arts and Science Center in Lexington.  This will be primarily new work continuing the explorations of my brush with mortality from last year's solo show.  I do not intend to forever be the cancer girl of my local art scene, but while the ideas are still flowing, don't piss off the muse right?

Monday, February 12, 2018

Her Lessons are Still with Me

Let me set the scene - my studio 
A sewing project
Me in abject terror

Cotton is supposed to tear straight right.  Well that didn’t happen!!!!   

It’s very inconvenient of my Mother to be in the afterlife.  She was the seamstress and I was the painter when it came to projects.  But I did pick up something peculiarly brilliant from her.  Whenever she was faced with learning something new , she would find a kid version to teach herself.  She didn’t learn to cook until I was in high school.  Somewhere she found a kids version of the Betty Crocker cookbook and off she went with great success.

Well I need to sew a few little things for my assemblage projects.  It finally occurred to me - is there a kids sewing machine?  Why yes and thanks to Etsy, look what I have!

Batteries installed in the itty bitty foot pedal and off I went!  Even though she’s not here to fix my problems, she actually did anyway.  :)
Doll mattress successfully assembled
Muse of the Night Voices (completed)

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

January 2018

Into Every Life

I’m feeling a little lost.  I’m not even sure what I mean by that.  Is it just the typical January doldrums?  Is it that I pushed myself too hard over the holidays due to deadlines and now I’m burned out?  Is it the monotonous routine of my day job that never truly slows down?  (Don’t get me wrong.  I am truly grateful to have a job, but it can wear you down at times.). Perhaps it is just the perfect storm of all of these things.  

On the plus side, I’m in 3 different shows this month.  Shortly I will have my first published magazine article.  I’ve been asked to do a two person show in 2020 with an artist that I believe will push me and my work.  And just last week I was invited to do a “big time” workshop in Kansas City where I will be able to teach my entire process, start to finish.  We will be working on location with a model, processing our shots, and then plunging into my encaustic process using Photography.  If all goes well, It’s definitely a step forward for me in my art career and brings me more street cred.

I want to do too many things right now and that’s contributing to my dear in the headlights feeling. As my mother used to say - you can do anything you want, you just can’t do everything you want.  Our house is in serious need of some TLC.  I’m feeling the pull to finish work for a 2 person show in March.  What I’m telling myself is that i’d like the freedom to just go into the studio and play.  However if you asked me which direction that play would take, I’d probably give you a blank stare and run away...  sure I have a list of “back-burner” projects that I can peruse, but does any of that move me with enough intensity to commit precious time to it?  Right now the only way I can describe this mood is that I feel as if I’m wearing a wet piece of clothing that is clinging to me.

Part of what I have been lacking is fun.  I don’t seem to be able to separate what I would enjoy doing from what needs doing.  This definitely points to me feeling overwhelmed.  As a way to reconnect to fun, I have signed myself up to take 2 workshops in the Spring.  Those most often help me to refocus and at least enjoy myself.

Thanks for listening to me while I put myself on the psych couch.  If any great epiphanies arise, I will update you, gentle reader.

Right now I’m going to go lose myself in a book and ignore the entire problem.