January 2018

Into Every Life

I’m feeling a little lost.  I’m not even sure what I mean by that.  Is it just the typical January doldrums?  Is it that I pushed myself too hard over the holidays due to deadlines and now I’m burned out?  Is it the monotonous routine of my day job that never truly slows down?  (Don’t get me wrong.  I am truly grateful to have a job, but it can wear you down at times.). Perhaps it is just the perfect storm of all of these things.  

On the plus side, I’m in 3 different shows this month.  Shortly I will have my first published magazine article.  I’ve been asked to do a two person show in 2020 with an artist that I believe will push me and my work.  And just last week I was invited to do a “big time” workshop in Kansas City where I will be able to teach my entire process, start to finish.  We will be working on location with a model, processing our shots, and then plunging into my encaustic process using Photography.  If all goes well, It’s definitely a step forward for me in my art career and brings me more street cred.

I want to do too many things right now and that’s contributing to my dear in the headlights feeling. As my mother used to say - you can do anything you want, you just can’t do everything you want.  Our house is in serious need of some TLC.  I’m feeling the pull to finish work for a 2 person show in March.  What I’m telling myself is that i’d like the freedom to just go into the studio and play.  However if you asked me which direction that play would take, I’d probably give you a blank stare and run away...  sure I have a list of “back-burner” projects that I can peruse, but does any of that move me with enough intensity to commit precious time to it?  Right now the only way I can describe this mood is that I feel as if I’m wearing a wet piece of clothing that is clinging to me.

Part of what I have been lacking is fun.  I don’t seem to be able to separate what I would enjoy doing from what needs doing.  This definitely points to me feeling overwhelmed.  As a way to reconnect to fun, I have signed myself up to take 2 workshops in the Spring.  Those most often help me to refocus and at least enjoy myself.

Thanks for listening to me while I put myself on the psych couch.  If any great epiphanies arise, I will update you, gentle reader.

Right now I’m going to go lose myself in a book and ignore the entire problem.